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Are You An Abuser
Are You An Abuser?
Domestic abuse can take many forms, and physical violence is only one of them. If you think you might be an abuser, here are some questions to ask yourself:
• If there’s a problem or conflict, is it always your partner’s fault? Abusers almost never see themselves as the responsible party.
• Do you use demeaning words when speaking to or about your partner—words like stupid, lazy, whore, slut, good-for-nothing?
• Are you jealous of your partner’s friends, relatives or children? Chances are there are other people in your partner’s life who your partner loves. Abusers tend to see those relationships as threatening instead of supportive.
• Do you control your partner’s money, never giving him or her more than you think is enough? Economic control is common for domestic abusers, who use money to limit their partner’s movements.
• Do you feel that your partner owes you and that you have the right to treat her in any way you see fit? Such feelings of “ownership” are common among abusers.
• When you want sex, do you get it even when your partner says, “No”?
• Have you ever expressed uncontrolled rage against another person—your partner or someone else—or taken out your rage by breaking objects?
• Have you ever physically hurt your partner, your children or your pets?
• Do you tend to limit social interaction to your partner, avoiding friends and family?
• Do you frequently feel hopeless or depressed?
• Do you use drugs and alcohol on a daily basis?
• Do you spy on or stalk your partner?
• Do you fantasize about killing your partner or yourself?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, consider talking with someone who can help you: your pastor, your doctor, or a mental health professional. If your answer was yes to two or more, you may already be an abuser. Help is available. Go to Men Stopping Violence or A Call to Men for information and resources.
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